😐Feeling Purposeless and Lacking Deep Connections? Here's why and what to do about it.

TUNE IN TO LEARN: 
Discover the 🔑key to unlocking a life filled with purpose, meaning, and connection in our latest episode of Your Brain's Coach podcast. 
 
Have you ever wondered why it feels so hard to find true fulfillment in today's fast-paced world? 
 
We break down the barriers using Maslow's hierarchy of needs and reveal how societal changes, like the rise of social media and increased mobility, complicate our quest for deep relationships. By understanding these dynamics, you can better navigate the path to building enriching connections and communities. 
 
Explore structured methods for self-awareness and purpose with insights from tools like the "five whys worksheet" and resources such as Simon Sinek's "Finding Your Why" and Jerry Colonna's journaling course. 
 
We'll also discuss the critical role of sleep in facilitating the process of finding your life's purpose. 
 
Don't miss this episode packed with actionable advice and insightful recommendations to help you lead a more fulfilling and meaningful life, with deeper, satisfying connections. 
 
Reach out for a complimentary coaching session and start your journey towards a deeper understanding of yourself and your life's purpose. 
 

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:00

Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of your Brain's Coach podcast. My name is Angela Sharina, I'm your host, I'm your Brain's Coach and it is my job here to bring to you, discover with you, share with you and start applying all of that to our life, all these brain-body tools so we could use our emotions, create better emotions, better thoughts and, most importantly then, take better actions consistently so we shape the life experience that is fulfilling, that is meaningful, that we absolutely love. Living. Folks, today is all about purpose, about your why, and the hope of today's podcast episode is to change this complexity of this idea of why and purpose and meaning and fulfillment, make it simple, make it easy, make you understand better why you might be struggling with it and not just you, but the whole world that seems struggling with their purpose and meaning and fulfillment, like why it's happening, the simple reason for that, and then also how you can start getting better at it. Just like you at one point got better at, perhaps, cooking, there was definitely a point in my life when I was a worse cook and then I learned, and then now it's a skill set for life and just like that, your purpose can also be as simple as cooking once you put some wraps in. So folks, did you, or do you wonder sometimes why, all of a sudden, there is this loneliness epidemic, there is this meaning and purpose epidemic, and people are, for the majority of people, that is the reality. People are lost and they're in transitions and they don't understand where they are going or supposed to go. And why Do you ever wonder why it's happening right now? Another question to you Are you familiar with Maslow's hierarchy of needs? And if not, you can Google it or ask Chad GPT Maslow's hierarchy of needs, of human needs, what it means, how it looks. If you Google it, you can find images. And so Maslow's hierarchy is something that he noticed after doing probably a lot of research and analysis, that people tend to care more about different needs as they progress on their journey with satisfying those needs.

Speaker 1 2:39

For example, at first you need to take care of your physiological needs, things like air, water, food, shelter, sleep, clothing, reproduction, you know, like maintaining your body, your physiology, in a good enough state so you could have an opportunity to think about higher things like your, for example, status or your job or your health, and creating abundance and prosperity and working on different ideas. So first you need to be fed right, you need to sleep, you need to make sure you have drinking water, and basic health care needs to be taken care of. You need to be sure that the lens of life are not chasing after you and you are safe. And speaking of safety, safety needs are the next one. It's about personal security and having a job and resources to maintain certain kind of living and certain standard of living, and then again basic healthcare access to that, and then again basic healthcare, access to that, and then having I don't know property and again a place to live Like all of this better, maybe, place to live. So safety needs come second.

Speaker 1 3:57

And then the third one is love and belonging, friendships, intimacy, family, a sense of connection. Like-minded people tribe and you see, the thing is folks. Why it's it's good to look at this hierarchy of needs is that for a lot of us, especially if you're listening to this podcast, that's probably is the case. You kind of took care of your basic needs like you're not dying. You're not dying, you have food to eat, you have a place to live, you can maintain your basic physiological needs just fine, and most of the safety needs are also at some good level probably taken care of Like you again are secure, nobody's threatening to kill you or there is no threat to your life. You have some sort of employment, you have some resources and basic again, healthcare. All these needs are kind of not for everyone in the world, but if you're again on this podcast, if you're listening to this and you are one of those who is lucky to have these needs satisfied and taken care of, now it's the next level love and belonging and connections and friendships.

Speaker 1 5:09

And the thing is we used to have different tribes, we used to have villages, we used to have more consistent workplace, we used to naturally have some sort of tight bonds and we didn't have all these weaker connections on social media and we didn't move all that much. So we had our tribe, so to speak. Whether we liked it or not that much, that's another story, but we had it. We had our people and so we didn't have to worry about building friendships and building great family connections and having a connection with like-minded people. You kind of lived in a tribe, so to speak, locally, geographically. You had your neighbors, you had your family, you had your spouse, and maybe it wasn't the past that you could possibly have, but you had it and you didn't need to think of that. Those are the people you would see on a regular basis, if not every single day, then very, very regular. You would talk to them, you would do something together. You had a sense of community just because you were in one proximity.

Speaker 1 6:13

And these days, everyone is moving, is looking for better options, and that's natural. There is nothing bad about it. We get more and more options and opportunities and that's a good thing. But nobody taught us how in this environment, to build friendships. Like I'm working on building friendships.

Speaker 1 6:31

I literally ask people who I like, I admire, like, can we work on building a friendship? I don't have right now a best friend, have right now a best friend and so when I get, it reminds me, by the way, to get in touch with one person who I really like as a friend and reminds me to get in touch with her because we are in different geographical locations and it reminds me to do that. So I as an adult, no matter how awkward it feels, I say it to people. You know I don't really have a best friend. Like I'm looking into you as a candidate for that, just pulling it out in the open. Yeah, sometimes you will. People might feel or think that you're a little bit weird, that that's a weird thing to say, but then, if they're the right people, they'll understand what you mean by that Love, belonging.

Speaker 1 7:32

How do you build greater relationships with your family when you're not in the same location? How do you build relationships with your like-minded tribe, whether that's work-related or your personal philosophy is related. That's why actually diets and exercise like CrossFit community is so popular. At least you have a feeling of some sort of commonality and belonging and those are your people, right? So why is this loneliness epidemic? Well, the environment changed a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, and nobody taught us, gave us the workshops, the skills and these are the skills how to communicate, how to build relationships, how to build deeper connections, and that's why that's the epidemic. It was there and now it isn't, and nobody teaches us a better way.

Speaker 1 8:15

Education system is lagging Now. There is no lack of resources. The books out there, the psychology research, how people bond. There is a lot, a lot of research and there are a lot of effective tools. How to do that, how to have the right kind of conversations, how to again, how conversations contribute to building bonds and how you show up for the people you want to build deeper relationships with, right. So there are plenty of resources, but they are not, like you know, a structured curriculum where you would get a degree in building human connections.

Speaker 1 8:51

At some point there will be might be, but not at the moment, or our culture changes enough, so new things will become new norm. So new things will become new norm. And then we have other levels like self-esteem, respect, status recognition, strengths and freedom, and self-actualization and self-identification, desire to become the most that you can be. Those are, then, the higher needs, and there is no school curriculum, there is no degree in university, although some degrees might get closer to that, like if you study philosophy, or perhaps if you study coaching or behavioral psychology right, a lot of those disciplines would have a lot of tools for discussions, but they not necessarily teach you how to live it as a human being in real life.

Speaker 1 9:43

And so why do we have this epidemic again of feeling lost or purposeless and not having love and belonging that we're all searching for, not having the purpose, the meaning? Well, guess what? You spend a few decades one, two, three decades learning how to make a living, how to build a career, how to exist in this world, how to cover your basic needs, but you spend almost zero time on learning how to figure out your purpose or how to figure out who you are. And the thing also about that is it's not like this process stops. At different stages in your life you're going to have different purposes, you're going to have different priorities, you might develop different values or, as you keep maturing and growing and changing, you will develop deeper ones so you understand yourself better. But again, nobody teaches that at school or in university. And so you end up as a fully grown adult, biologically, in your 30s and 40s, sometimes 50s and 60s, you grow up and you never go through a more structured process of figuring out your purpose, of figuring out who you are, what your values are, what you stand for, what's important in your life.

Speaker 1 11:10

And this is a process and there are plenty of tools available, like you know figuring out your why. I like to give people this five whys worksheet. I like to give people this five whys worksheet. Or also there is a great book, finding your why by Simon Sinek and his team, based on his work in research on purpose and why. And there are many journaling exercises and frameworks. The one that I love recommending these days is by Jerry Colonna, executive coach really great coach and well-known in the community of founders, ceos, people who carve their own path right. He has on his website again Jerry Colonna someone you can Google coach, executive coach, if you Google that together. Owner. Someone you can Google a coach executive coach if you Google that together. So he has a year-long daily journaling course where to your email, he would send daily prompts and you would journal about that, to figure yourself out, to understand yourself better.

Speaker 1 12:11

Before you can find your purpose, your values, you kind of need to think about it more and having a structure for this process is very important. Just like a lot of my clients, overwhelmed sometimes with new choices, new career paths, transitions in life, they tell me well, angela, I just need good structure. It's not like I don't understand it, but I need accountability, I need a system, I need support, I need some assignments, something that I know when to do, how to do what's the process, step by step. I just need that because my life is so complex. I need a little bit more structure here.

Speaker 1 12:43

There is another book that I love Martha Beck's the Way of Integrity. It's how to get back to your true self, to your true center. There is positive psychology website that has a lot, a lot of resources on figuring out your values, your identity, your purpose. There is coaching. Obviously I can guide you through the process of figuring yourself out, finding your purpose, your clarity.

Speaker 1 13:08

But the most important thing I want you to understand first is that it's no wonder why we all struggle with our higher needs of love, belonging and purpose. We didn't spend much time learning about that. Human beings excel by learning and so far we've had close to zero training on purpose, meaning, identity and belonging. So it's really a surprise that we are stumbling? Probably not, and it's like learning to cook. If you've never tried boiling an egg, or my personal ones never tried making a steak, you'd end up chewing your steak for hours because you didn't realize that meat can get pretty tough if you don't cook it well. Or that egg can explode into your face if you put it in the microwave. Right, you learn it and you screw it up. If you've never seen a banana on TV or you don't have any concept of a banana, you'll chew right into the skin. That's what you know. Animals do you give them. They don't know you're supposed to peel it. You'll just bite right into that.

Speaker 1 14:20

When you see a new food that you've never encountered before, you should understand how do I even approach this food? The same with purpose, but those things are even more complex. So if you've never worked on it, how are you supposed to know? If you've never worked on building the kind of relationship that you want, or even identifying the kind of relationship that you want, how are you supposed to know how to do that? You're not. You're supposed to learn to get through some training, some proper structured education around those things, and then you'll get better, just like at everything else, that complex job that you do.

Speaker 1 14:57

At some point you didn't know what the heck it was all about For my job. I very often can't even explain it to other people who are not exposed to coaching. What it is I'm paid for, but I am. I've been paid for it for decades now, and back then it was a lot more challenging. These days it's easier, but still you tell people what you do and they're like oh yeah, but I don't really get it yet. So, anyhow, the simple truth is you're not that great at building relationships, building love, belonging, deep connections and figuring out your purpose, simply because you were not taught how to develop these skills and these answers and this self-knowledge. We're spending decades on learning about the world and close to zero on learning about ourselves.

Speaker 1 15:52

So what's the practical takeaway for you guys? Well, practical takeaways is to start the work in some form of fashion. Your purpose, meaning of life, your values will not come to you just because you thought about that. The same goes to relationships. It's a skill set. A lot of working on relationships has to do with working on your communication skills. Where to start?

Speaker 1 16:17

Again, I mentioned a couple of resources. You can schedule our complimentary, free as a listener of this podcast session. Just reach out to me. Angela at brainbreakthroughcoachcom. Put in the title complimentary session, coaching session Angela at brainbreakthroughcoach. One word com Angela at brainbreakthroughcoachcom or Instagram Angela Brain Body Coach. So reach out to me, I'll put you on the right track with the right exercises.

Speaker 1 16:45

At the very least, pick up the book Finding your why by Simon Sinek's team. Look up Jerry Colonna's 365-day journaling course. Look at the positive psychology resources Again, see what speaks to you. And another thing just starting to journal about what's happening in your head, you see a lot of answers, a lot of things that you don't understand, that you don't have figured out. A lot of answers to how to start getting closer to the answers you need. They're already in your head or they are on the verge of appearing, but if you don't stop and don't capture what's happening in your head, you'll never have a chance to notice that and do something useful with that.

Speaker 1 17:37

So a very simple way to start getting raising your self-awareness about what's not working and what you'd like to get better at, or how you'd like to perhaps clarify your purpose, your vision in which areas of your life start journaling Just every day. Sit down and start with a page of what's in your head and you'll bring a much deeper awareness of what's actually happening in your head. At some point you'll understand why it's happening and what's producing those thoughts, those emotions, and then you'll start asking better questions and getting closer to what it is you need to work on to create a better, more fulfilling life experience. So that's your homework for today Check out those resources, schedule our session. Angela at brainbreakthroughcoachcom, email me or Angela brainbodycoach. One word on Instagram for our complimentary session Start journaling.

Speaker 1 18:37

Another good one Check out the book Finding your why by Simon Asinic's team, and stay tuned for the next episode.

Speaker 1 18:50

It's going to be an insightful and mind-blowing one. I'll also tell you why getting a specific kind of sleep, and also the tools to get it, will actually help you to figure out your purpose. And that's another biological reason why so many people might feel lost. A lot of people's sleep is so messed up and your brain's higher cognitive processes require the right amount of the right kind of sleep. So stay tuned for that episode that's coming up next, and until that, start journaling. Reach out for help, angela at brainbreakthroughcoachcom. And until next time, just start thinking, start noticing and understand that the reason why you feel so lost is because you've never learned you've never been taught how to get un-lost. Chat with you soon. If you found value here, please do share with at least one other person who might be feeling especially lost and unmotivated. That's how we help each other and create better world and more positive impact and have an awesome below some grateful kind of day. Chat with you soon and stay on purpose.