Creating a Fulfilling Life Step 1: finding your values.

Fulfillment is not a prize you earn by checking the right boxes. It is a feeling that shows up when your life matches who you actually are.

We use a simple idea to guide the whole conversation: imagine a Venn diagram where one circle is your values and the other circle is how you live day to day. The overlap is peace, meaning, and that grounded sense of “my life fits me.”

We walk through practical values discovery exercises you can do with a notebook in under an hour. 

When you know your highest values, your decisions get simpler, your goals get cleaner, and the way you spend your time starts supporting the life you want to live.

Listen, do the exercises, and share this with someone you care about.

The Values Bridge Test

Transcript

The Alignment Venn Diagram

The Values Bridge Assessment

The Heroes Exercise

Three Questions To Find Values

Value Sliders For Your Ideal Life

SPEAKER_00 0:09

Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Change Wired Podcast. My name is Angela Shorina. I'm your host. I'm your executive health and high performance coach 360. I'm just someone who is obsessed with change, with doing better, with getting closer to doing our best. But the most important part is learning how to live our life to maximize fulfillment and satisfaction and joy and meaning, feeling like we are living a good life. Today, guys, by the end of this podcast, you're gonna learn a couple of techniques that will help you to excavate, to realize, to understand, to become more aware of your values, what drives you in life. And why is that important thing to do? Because then you will start understanding a lot better in practical terms, meaning what you can do about it, what to adjust, what to change, where to invest more of your time and energy to create more fulfillment in your life. Yesterday, while writing a blog, I created this graphic with artificial intelligence, which I really loved. It's Venn diagram, and there are two circles intersecting, and in the middle it's peace and fulfillment. So two circles are who you are, what makes uh what is important to you, what makes your life feel good, so who you are, right? And the second circle is how is your life aligned or how you actually live your life, right? And the intersection is peace in fulfillment. So first you need to understand who it is you are, what drives you, what is important to you, what's your purpose, what's your value, so who you are, and the second piece, doing the work to align the way you live your life with this understanding. And when you get closer and closer to intersecting those circles, that's where where you get closer and closer to maximizing fulfillment, richness of your life and just feeling good about your life. But the first step is a step that almost no one takes in our world today. We ask for answers, we wait for answers, we think that you know if we achieve what society uh tells us that's important, then we're gonna arrive to happiness, which, as actually, a real life experience shows us is never the fact. So you can be the richest, the I don't know, most beautiful, most successful person and tick all the boxes and still end up killing yourself. And that happened to a lot of celebrities. That just shows us just because you get all of the ducks in the row doesn't mean that your life is gonna feel like a magical garden. So that saying that being said, in order for you to create a life of fulfillment life that feels good, you need to first understand yourself. And one of the pieces, one of the most important pieces of understanding yourself is understanding what drives you in life for whichever reason. Certain things drive you more, certain things create more quality and fulfillment, make you happier than others. And you need to understand what those things are and then do your best to align your life with it. So today I'm gonna give you a couple of exercises. Also, I'm gonna share a link which is already in the show notes, you can use it to take a test, which is three, which I learned about in the book Becoming You. It was actually a course in New York University created by Professor Susie Walsh, who helped people to navigate life and career transitions by first figuring out a couple of things about themselves. It's your values and your aptitudes, and then also figuring out what are the possible monetizable career and life paths. So the the course was uh done was in the university, and so people who were there were they wanted to figure out what to do with their life, and a big part of our lives is figuring out what to do for work that fulfills us, allows us to earn a living, but then also makes our life feel good. Anyhow, so exercise, value exercise. A lot of them are exercises that are really well that are done by others, all of them are science and research backed and experience backed. And so also, again, as an addition, you can take a 100 question test on your values that will allow you to understand, okay, what your values are, where you are today, and how do you and how what you need to do or focus on to bridge those. But before we jump into that, or before you jump into that link, that again you already can do so now. It's linked in the show notes. It's called the values breach. Before we do that, there are a couple of exercises that also are very useful to start understanding better and also very simple of what it is you stand for in life, what drives you, what you need to create more of, align your life with so you get more fulfillment. So the first exercise, it's called hero's exercise, and it's very simple. You take a piece of paper and you have three columns in on this, you make three columns on the sheet of paper. In the first column, you put name you put down names of people you admire, life or or that you, you know, read biographies of, you know, of someone you know, or someone you know you you know from afar, and an author, a person who achieved a lot. So three to five names, you can do more, but I recommend to start there so you don't get overwhelmed with the time it requires and thinking it requires. Three to five people you admire, you want to be more like, you would perhaps trade lives with. So three to five people that you can think of. Then the second column, you need to write either shortly or more in detail, what it is that you admire about those people and what you'd like to bring more of into your life. Like what why did you want to put uh those people or maybe even exchange lives with those people in the first place? What it is you admire. So the second column is what qualities or what maybe ways of those people living their lives or doing things, uh, what do you admire about them? And the third column is what you don't want from the lives of those people. Maybe if you admire something about Elon Musk, uh like his uh grit, his ability to just do really hard stuff and be really committed and dedicated, and against all odds, keep doing his stuff based on his conviction, right? That you can admire. Well, I admire. But then the second part, uh not paying maybe too much attention or care at all about relationships and how other people feel and how about people's well-being in general or about his health, right? Like those things I don't admire, and I don't want more. So, yes, I admire again the person, but only specific aspects of their life, or at least what I know about their life and their personality from the a few, I don't know, interviews and books and articles. So the first column, again, the names of the people you admire, again, maybe not 360, not everything about them, but specific character qualities or specific ways they live their lives or show up in the world. The second column is what you admire exactly and perhaps why also, and then the third part that you'd like to maybe not have from their life. And then once you write down the names, the qualities you admire, the qualities that you don't want, you look for patterns. Like what seems to those people have to have in common, or what are the qualities that feel like you really want to have more of in yourself, in your life? And then also the third uh column: what are the things that you know you really don't want to have near you or around you? So reflecting on that. Like, what are the commonalities? What are the differences, what seem to stand out for you and provoke the most emotions, um, whether positively or negatively. Uh, perhaps from there you can all right away write down a few value statements or a few values, or just things that are important to uh live through in your life, in order for you to feel like your life matters, like you're living it according to who you are. So that is the first exercise. The second exercise is three questions Alpha Omega that the book Becoming You has them, which will help you to dial in even more your understanding, your awareness of things that are important to you, of things that make you you, of things that you would fight for or stand up for, or really need to be present in your life for you to feel fulfilled and you will and that you're living life aligned with who you are. So the first question is what do you want to say people? What do you want people to say when you are not in the room? To give you an example, the I I did this exercise, and for myself, I was kind of surprised that so much of what I want people to say about me is around trust and reliability. So, some of the things that I wrote down, I want people to say that I'm kind, that I'm open-minded and understanding, that I get things done, that I'm smart, that I'm reliable, that I'm someone you can trust, that I'm gritty and tough and courageous, and also direct, blunt, and not fake, and also generous and knows your stuff, like some of that stuff. You can see how there are common themes among all of that. So, what do you want people to say about you when you are not in the room? The second question is when you were a kid, what you loved and what you hated, what did you love, what did you hate when you were growing up? Again, personal example. I absolutely hated that I couldn't do what I wanted to do, and there was so many rules and regulations and things about the world and my life that I just couldn't change. And I had to take it in and you know just deal with that. So I actually hated with that, and actually, one of my top values, and I always say that freedom is my number one value, but actually, it's not like freedom, freedom, it's agency, it's ability to choose what it is I want to do and how I want to do it. Like that is very high on my value list, right? So that's what I hated about my childhood. What I loved about my childhood is uh that maybe trust in the universe and one might say carelessness, but in a good way, that I could just let it go and be present in the moment, and that I didn't worry about things, and uh yeah, so that like lightness and playfulness that I loved about my childhood. The third question is so the the second question that will help you to understand your values is what did you love, what did you hate when you were growing up? And here we are looking for emotional responses, right? That's something that you can really say, I yeah, I really loved about my childhood that, or I really hated this. And then the third question let's say, well, imagine you are 85 or 90 or 95 at the end of your life, and you're crying from regret. So, what did make you cry from regret when you are at the end of your life? For me personally, is that I didn't go for, I didn't try for the big things that I care about, that I sort of tiptoed on the edge of the life that I wanted to live, that would actually make me cry with regret, that I didn't live it to the fullest. And I'm still figuring out how to fully step into that, but that is a huge thing for me, and so one of my biggest values as well is impact in the world. Like I want to make a ripple, like it's like a hunger, and I don't know how to explain it, but it's like a hole, right? And I thought at some point that everyone you everyone wants to do the same, but as I've uh gone through a lot of coaching with people and also talked to a lot of people and just you know, life experience, I realized no, actually, that thing changing the world and making a ripple is not important to all of the people at all. Not everyone wakes up and thinks, how can I change the world and create maximum impact? Not everyone at all. And so very powerful question as well. And again, heroes exercise, three questions that I just talked you through. What do you want people to say when you're not in the room? What did you love, hate when you were growing up? And at your 85th or 90s or 95th birthday, you're crying from regret. So, what are those regrets about? And then I want to like walk you through a few questions uh about your life, which will help you to reflect on certain values like impact, although in the book it has a different name. But those are the same, or they are integrated in the values breach assessment that you can find following the link in the show notes. So, a few questions that will help you to also understand. Yeah, I recommend re-listen to this part with the journal and reflect a little bit, like a minute or so, on each question. Like, where do you stand? And where do you need to work more on to bring your life into more alignment with that value that might be higher for you than lower? So, first in the book it's called radius, but for me it's impact. The question is when I envision my ideal life, when I envision my ideal life, like ideal life, two statements. See which one are you closer towards. When I envision my ideal life, I'd be happy, I'd be a high impact world changer, even if it meant some controversy or criticism. So that is your impact value at its maximum. Here, there is a scale from one to seven, so seven is the highest, right? I'd I'd be a high impact world changer. One is I'd really concern myself with trying to change the world, society, or the culture. Like, no right or wrong, but where are you? Right? World changer, seven. Not really, I don't really care about that. One, it's just some things to think about. The next one, and I'm scrolling through the book here: scope. Or how much well, let me actually read the statement from the book. When I envision my ideal life, I'd be immersed in a world teeming with adventure, learning, experiences, and even some chaos. So your life is full, reach off stimulation and experiences. That is seven. And I'd be surrounded by stability, predictability, and calm. Everything would be known and under control. Where are you? You know, one is control, seven is like those experiences, sometimes even chaos, right? How much stimulation do you actually need? Again, the purpose of this is to help you reflect on things that you do care about and that you don't care much about, and realizing that there is it's not right or wrong, it's what matters to you for your ideal life. The next one, family centrism. When I envision my my ideal life, nothing would get in the way of my family coming first. That is a seven. You are high on family centrism value. And one, family consideration would really determine my decisions or plans. For me, it's like two, maybe three now. But there is a reason why I live on the other side of the world from my family, don't have kids, and not married. Like family centrism is like just not a value for me for one reason or the other, and that's okay, guys. Where are you? Family-centric? Family is your like centerpiece or someone like uh you know, whatever happens. Non-self-value. When I envision my ideal life, I'd be all about helping people in ways large and small. Or I'd help people, but doing so wouldn't be among my top priorities. To be honest, even though I'm a coach, like volunteering and becoming some sort of muzzle Teresa, Teresa is not talking my values. Again, no right or wrong. Just understanding in your ideal life, what would it be for you? And I'm gonna tell you why your ideal life phrasing is so important. So, where are you on non-self-value? Luminance, or how bright you shine, right? When I envision my ideal life, everywhere I'd go, people would know who I am, right? It's high on fame and fortune and being seen and visible and applauses and all of that. Or I'd be a private person known only to a small circle. I'd probably somewhere in the middle, like I love public speaking, I love to be acknowledged, I love to be seen, but I definitely do not want people following me around, being in the news and being my personal life, you know, excavated and put on displays. That's just not me. Where are you? So that's the question. The next one is agency or freedom for me. When I envision my ideal life, no one would tell me what to do or how to do it. I'd be the boss of me. Or one, I wouldn't want to control things. Consensus and harmony would matter more. Where are you? Again, no right or wrong. I'm high on agency. Even if I have to go against the whole world, I will be the boss of me. Harmony and consensus are not top of the world for me. That you can know for sure if you know me a little. Again, no right or wrong, just where you are. Achievement. When I envision my ideal life, seven, my life would be filled with accomplishments and success. One, I'd really concern myself with success. Winning and losing wouldn't matter to me. Like I'm somewhere to be honest, like somewhere at four, like I wouldn't kill myself over some measurements of success, but I would like to be the world's greatest doing my work, right? So achievement does matter to me, but it's not the most important part of me. Like, yeah, it doesn't go above my agency or my freedom, for example. Right? So, where are you? Do you are you concerned with achieving things or not really? Especially again in the ideal vision of your life. Where would you be? Work centrism. Seven, work would be my main purpose, defining my meaning and momentum. And one, work would play a very insignificant role in my life. I'm definitely, you know, there is a reason why I sign up for being an happy workaholic. I love my work. I'm like, that is the person, the purpose, like becoming great at what I do, serving, like I love my work. And I'm seven. And again, there is no right or wrong, but just figuring out who you are, where you stand is super important to create the life of fulfillment and happiness. Affluence or richness, abundance, money, right? When I envision my ideal life, I'd be so rich I could have anything I'd ever wanted, and then some. One, I'd have enough money to get by because that's all I'd want. I'm somewhere like maybe four. I want to have a lot of money to do the things that I want to do, but I couldn't care less about luxurious vacations and helicopters and like, yeah, it's fun to do it once in a while, but like owning a lot of things never was my top priority. Again, no right or wrong, just understanding where you are to make you happy. Ew, demonia or pleasure and joy. In your ideal life, fun, well being, and pleasure would come first. Life is meant to be enjoyed. Or one, fun, well being, and pleasure would matter, but they wouldn't be anywhere near my top priorities. I'm more like one or two. For to be honest, like I like to have fun, but mastery work and purpose and I don't know freedom and achievement, those are much more important than pleasurable things. There is a reason also why I haven't had uh ice cream in like a decade, and and I don't care, right? So joy and pleasure, defined, fun, but you know, I don't really care. Behold the rism. You'll understand what it is. When I envision my life, everything in my world, from myself to my home and belongings, would look elevated, even beautiful, right? So like like beauty, aesthetics. It's seven. Or I'd rather concern myself with how anything looked. I'd really concern myself with how anything looked. I it just wouldn't matter to me. I was an image consultant helping people to align how they look to you, create this image that makes them feel good from outside. So aesthetics matter to me. I went to art school. Like I love things to be well arranged and beautiful. There is a reason why I love you know certain colors and look certain ways and work on my physique so much. I was a physique athlete at some point. It matters to me. But doesn't matter so much that I'm gonna be spending hours in some beauty saloon and obsessing over every detail in my house, and there is some massive. I'm probably three or four, not seven. Right? Again, no right or wrong, but understanding where you are, what's important to you. Voice, expressing yourself, the next value. In your ideal life, I'd express my individuality as openly as I'd like. No one we will be able to dim my light. Or one, I'd feel more comfortable fitting in than standing out. I'm definitely a standing out kind of person, although although compared to some other people, I don't need to be super loud about it. So I'll probably maybe like a five. That's why I'm doing this podcast, right? My voice to be heard. I like to express my opinion even when it's controversial and costs me sometimes relationships. But yes, voice is important to me. Isn't important to you? Again, no right or wrong, just understanding where you stand to make you happy. Belonging. In my ideal life, I'd be deeply connected to friends, spending time together and building a sense of community. That is seven. One, I'd be my own person, independence would be a paramount to me. I'd say I'm more on the one or two on belonging. So I'm the solo guy, the independence, the climb a mountain solo kind of person. Although I do enjoy deep friendships and my family, but again, not top of my priorities to make me happy. Place. When I envision my ideal life, I'd be living in the one place I know I'm meant to be. One, I wouldn't be tied down to any location or home base. Spending 15 years as a digital nomad, not having a home, I'd probably sign up more for one or two on the place, even though I need my walks, I need nature, etc. But they can be anywhere in the world. So and then faith and tradition, cosmos, universe, things beyond what you can see, right? When I envision my ideal life, seven, my faith and its central principles would be in all I do. One, religion wouldn't play any role in my decisions or actions. Yeah, I must admit, I'm on the one or two on the cosmos and spirituality. That's why I went to church maybe like twice in my life. I do meditation and I think about bigger things in life, and on I go to nature and I admire like you know things bigger than myself and cosmos. But do they define my life? Well, not so much, to be very honest. So, this is a short list of those values again. Most of them are research-backed, meaning people who research values came up with lists close to that, and understanding where you stand on all of this will help you, most importantly, to make choices and decisions, to take actions in your life that will create more and more fulfillment because they will align who you are and the way you live your life. And again, to supplement everything, all the exercises that you learned about today, I highly recommend using that link and go to do the values breach, which is done by the author of the book Becoming You, Susie Welsh, who we're gonna have on our podcast in some near future. What else? I recommend setting up some time, maybe like an hour, to do some good work on your values, and then uh go through the exercises. Starting with I recommend starting with heroes exercise because it's kind of fun and very easy lift, and then going to the three questions about what you loved and hated when you were growing up, what you want people to say when you're not in the room, and what you would cry from with regret when you are 85, and then doing the values preach assessment, and then just sitting with that and maybe putting it on the wall or on the mirror so you look at it every day for I don't know, a couple of weeks, and start maybe uh looking at your life and your decisions and actions and what you have, what you don't have, and start sort of uh realizing hey, uh I'm missing this, that is really important to me, but it's nowhere near in my life, and uh uh realizing that you know that ideal life, your values was important to you, like how much of it is lived experience, and usually the less lived experiences, the less you live your values in the real life, the less fulfillment and satisfaction you're gonna have from your life. And so, if you wanna improve that fulfillment and happiness, you want to connect what you value with what you actually live in your day-to-day life. So that is a suggested way to work with what you learned today. What else? Well, guys, really appreciate your time, your attention, your work on personal growth. Please do share this podcast episode maybe with a family member, with a friend, with someone you want to help, with someone you admire, maybe bring it to your book club, to your collective of like-minded individuals, work through it together for an hour, maybe dedicate, I don't know, a whole meeting to that. So together you then keep you accountable to living more of these values in your daily life. Take one of those values and one behavior and start implementing that and reflect on how much more fulfillment it starts bringing into your life. Other than that, guys, thank you for tuning in. Thank you for listening, and till next time, keep growing.